Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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