Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Randomize
