just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
