Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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