I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
