fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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