He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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