Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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