he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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