It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
