I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
