Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
