one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
