the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
