You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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