I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize