I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
