i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
