The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
