took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
