i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
A+ Viking dick
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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