bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
