will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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