i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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