so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I wish my penis had an off switch
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
