Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
