Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My dick has a subreddit
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
