I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
