This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
