I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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