Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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