after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
