just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
