Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize