me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
