I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
