Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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