I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
