I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize