why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
time to smoke my breakfast
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
