That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
