Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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