The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
