Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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