I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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