after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
