Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Randomize
