i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
