Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
