Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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