Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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