why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
