I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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