okay pat passed out under dana's car
i barfeds in our rink
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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