Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
