She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
