My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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