hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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