Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
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