I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
