You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
