Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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