running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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