Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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