I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
