We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
