Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
