dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
