but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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