you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
