More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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