Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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